My Journey To Fatherhood

[Mystic]

Hello NSFCD.

As some/most/maybe all of you know, my girlfriend and I are going to have a baby girl. I thought this would be a great experience to talk about here, something never done on NSFCD before. To start, most of you know me, Kendrick, aka Mystic. I'm 17, going to be a senior, and one of few black members here, yay me. My girlfriend's name is Samantha (aka Sam). She's 18, graduated, and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

The story of our daughter, Zoey, starts December 5, 2009, which also happened to be Sam's mom's 40th birthday. Sam was staying over at my house; we got up early, and guess what happened. We were very scared for quite a while. We couldn't get a test until the end of February, which said she was pregnant. Once we finally, told our parents, it was a relief. Though emotions were high, problems arose, mostly between Sam's dad and me. However, I don't feel like explaining.

The doctor's appointment confirmed the pregnancy. It was a happy moment for us. We were given a due date of September 4, 2010. Our doctor (yes, we have the same doctor, amusing right?) set us up for the first ultrasound, March 26, 2010. My mom drove us there, and it was a great experience. The doctor operating the machine was detailed about telling us what she was doing and what we were looking at. I loved that she actually explained things to us, rather than just standing, taking measurements, and ignoring us (as had been done when my mom was pregnant with my brothers). The woman gave us a due date of August 29, 2010 (MJ's birthday, I was amused).

Next we had a full OB appointment: pap smear, etc. We were told the results from the ultrasound showed Zoey had a ratio of her head being too big compared to the femur, and that they wanted to do testing for things such as cystic fibrosis, Down's syndrome, and other genetic diseases. I've never felt so scared in my life. I didn't want my child to suffer from these diseases. Thankfully, we were informed that she was clear of diseases. By the next ultrasound, it was confirmed that everything was normal shape and development. And so far, that is still true. She is a healthy baby. Or as our doctor says, we have a "normal and boring pregnancy, just how we like it." And that's fine with me. Oh, and the due date reverted back to September 4th, and so far, still is the plan.

Medically, this may be boring. But outside the doctor's office, it's no where near boring. Shopping, job searching, planning, and the other numerous things keep us consumed. We have two baby showers planned. The first is being thrown by my mom with her friends on August 6th. She has lots of friends who have had baby girls. Gold mine much? For sure. The second will be our friends and family on August 14th.

So what is going on currently? Sam and I have been babysitting her cousins through the summer. The little girl is 5 years old and the little boy is 9 months old. I'm still trying to find a job. We've been busy planning and thinking and adjusting. Friday (July 23), we have another check up. As of now, there are no more ultrasounds. At the last one, the doctor said that everything is perfect and we'd only need to schedule an ultrasound if we or the doctor felt it was necessary.

I plan to use this thread to keep you guys updated. I'd like to think of you guys as an online family, so I'm willing to share this important time of my life with you guys. I hope you guys participate in this thread and enjoy what I have to say. I plan on posting news, pictures, and anything else you guys may be interested in.

[Kayo]

I wish you good luck, and I hope everything goes well for you and Zoey. <3

How did you come up with her name?

[Mystic]

Well, we originally considered Xander (pronounced like Zander) or Shawn for a boy; Dakota, Brooke, and Damita for a girl. Sam's mom came up with Zoey, and my mom thought of Michelle (the female of my middle name, Mikel). We liked them both so we decided to name her Zoey, with Michelle as her middle name.

[ThePowerOfOne]

Congrats on the new baby! I hope you find a job and everything works out for you two :3   Also, I love the name Zoey.

[Kayo]

Congrats on the new baby! I hope you find a job and everything works out for you two :3   Also, I love the name Zoey.

I love that name too. :3

[Dog Food]

Aw, this is so exciting! But darn, you guys have a lot ahead of you. What are you going to do about your future? I mean, are you planning on going to school or are you going to stay behind and look after your kid? Not that either choice is necessarily bad. If it were me, I'd drop my life and just try and make sure my kid gets a good one.

[Kayo]

Aw, this is so exciting! But darn, you guys have a lot ahead of you. What are you going to do about your future? I mean, are you planning on going to school or are you going to stay behind and look after your kid? Not that either choice is necessarily bad. If it were me, I'd drop my life and just try and make sure my kid gets a good one.

From what I know:

This is Mystic's last year of school starting this fall and he plans to graduate. His girlfriend graduated this past spring and is going to community college during the day. Parents are willing to help out during that time.

I think I got that all right.

[Mystic]

Aw, this is so exciting! But darn, you guys have a lot ahead of you. What are you going to do about your future? I mean, are you planning on going to school or are you going to stay behind and look after your kid? Not that either choice is necessarily bad. If it were me, I'd drop my life and just try and make sure my kid gets a good one.

In summary, Kianglo's post.

Sam will probably start college next fall (2011). At that time, I shall also start college (Eastern Washington University). To give Zoey a good life, we have to continue our educations in order to be eligible for better jobs and such right? Stopping now won't help Zoey in any way.

[JrDude]

Just actually raise the child. Don't hire a baby sitter then never spend time with the baby. A baby sitter is fine, but don't basically make the sitter the parent.

And KJ, that idea sounds good to most youngish people but it is a horrible idea that usually ends up backfiring.

[The Riddler]

Can I be the god father? :)

[BOREDFOREVER]

Just actually raise the child. Don't hire a baby sitter then never spend time with the baby. A baby sitter is fine, but don't basically make the sitter the parent.

And KJ, that idea sounds good to most youngish people but it is a horrible idea that usually ends up backfiring.

You don't have kids, so shut it.  You sound like a prick and an idiot.  You have no idea what he's about to go through unless you've been through it yourself, i.e. you actually have kids.  Not if you have little cousins, or siblings, or you did a lot of babysitting for someone.  You have to know what it's like to be solely responsible for someone's survival and future before you talk to people like that.  If you have something to add, try to do it in a more civil manner.  Parenting is an experience that you really have no concept of until you go throught it.  I can understand sharing your thoughts, and that's certainly why we're here, but you just look like an idiot when you present it as if you are the expert on the subject. /rant

Anywho, back to the happy tone of the thread.  As the only person on the forum that currently has children, I'll be constantly invading your thread and sharing thoughts and stories, tips and tricks.

I definitely agree with your plan to finish your education.  We did, and I think it was the right decision.  We made it work by doing our best not to double schedule classes so that someone was always at home with our daughter.

STORY TIME
I remember when they asked us if we wanted to get special testing for my daughter to find out if she would have any problems like down syndrome.  We sat and thought about it for a moment, and the doctor told us that the reason they did it too early was that we would have all of our options open.  It took us a moment to get what he was referencing.  We decided not to get the testing.

It was definitely scary though.  I can't imagine what it would have been like hearing that a ratio was off and the testing was necessary.  The only thing close that I can think of is when we found out that our son was having vision tracking problems.  We knew it could be many things, including blindness and down syndrome.  My wife bawled for a while.  Luckily he just has pretty bad vision, but can still see.

[JrDude]

You don't have kids, so shut it.  You sound like a prick and an idiot.  You have no idea what he's about to go through unless you've been through it yourself, i.e. you actually have kids.  Not if you have little cousins, or siblings, or you did a lot of babysitting for someone.  You have to know what it's like to be solely responsible for someone's survival and future before you talk to people like that.  If you have something to add, try to do it in a more civil manner.  Parenting is an experience that you really have no concept of until you go throught it.  I can understand sharing your thoughts, and that's certainly why we're here, but you just look like an idiot when you present it as if you are the expert on the subject. /rant

I often sound like I'm trying to sound like an expert, but I am far from it. I have little to no experience with this, I don't baby sit or anything, nor do much for younger family members like little cousins. I often give advice where I have no business, but it's just something I do, can't really help it. If I sound like an idiot, cool, I sound the same as usual. I hear and see things sometimes, whether it be news or realistic movie/TV show or something actually right in front of me but I'm not actually part of, and those things make unconsciously think I know what I'm talking about, but I know I don't. I think some of that didn't make sense, but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying.

[Kayo]

As BFB said, getting an education is DEFINITELY a good choice. It's so much easier to raise a child when you can get better jobs. Some people decide to drop out of school to raise a kid, but that bites them in the ass in the future when they have a hard time paying for things.

I'm very glad that you and Sam are both going to college. It's alright if Sam wants to start a year later, in order to have a year off to take care of Zoey for the first year. After the first year a baby doesn't require constant care. Well, it does. Truth is, I don't know how to say this. What I'm trying to get across is, the baby becomes less delicate after a year, and doesn't need to spend half its time in your arms. It gets easier to feed, potty training happens by the second year if you're lucky, and then you get to watch her go through school.

I think it's a good idea for Sam to be home with her baby the first year. A very good idea. It would be tough for a mother to be away from her newborn baby, and this time they get to spend together will be worth it. Just remember, you'll have both 12th grade AND a newborn child to deal with. Make sure you focus on both. Raising a child is important, but you want to keep your grades up, so you can get into good colleges and stuff.

A big mistake people make after having a baby and continuing school is this: They pay all their attention to the baby. Yes, she will need attention. But don't make the mistake many people make by letting their grades slip. You won't get into colleges easy if you barely pass 12th grade. My point is, they're both important.

That's all I can say for now. I can't give too much advice since, well, I've never had a child. I've had two younger sisters that I've closely watched and helped raise as they were growing up. And I have a little bit of experience. I'll try to help with what I can, but remember BFB has a lot more experience than I do. So he will probably be able to give you a lot of good advice. But we're all here to help you. I assume you'll have no problem raising this child. There will be ups and downs, but I KNOW that you can do it. :)

[Mystic]

Anywho, back to the happy tone of the thread.  As the only person on the forum that currently has children, I'll be constantly invading your thread and sharing thoughts and stories, tips and tricks.

I appreciate that. I like your wisdom.

It was definitely scary though.  I can't imagine what it would have been like hearing that a ratio was off and the testing was necessary.

Sam actually thought it might have been something she did, so she was just as upset with herself as well.

A big mistake people make after having a baby and continuing school is this: They pay all their attention to the baby. Yes, she will need attention. But don't make the mistake many people make by letting their grades slip. You won't get into colleges easy if you barely pass 12th grade. My point is, they're both important.

Maybe this sounds bit cocky, but I'm not to worried about my grades. I've always been a A/B student (mostly A's), with a 3.4 GPA at the moment. I know Zoey will require a lot of time. but I think I can handle the homework easily. And I need to. EWU lets you in automatically if you have a 3.3+, and I'm hoping my GPA will get back to at least 3.5.

[Kayo]

Maybe this sounds bit cocky, but I'm not to worried about my grades. I've always been a A/B student (mostly A's), with a 3.4 GPA at the moment. I know Zoey will require a lot of time. but I think I can handle the homework easily. And I need to. EWU lets you in automatically if you have a 3.3+, and I'm hoping my GPA will get back to at least 3.5.

I'm sure you won'thaving a problem juggling a family with your Senior Year. Just giving you a heads up: Some people think they're doing all right.. until they see their grades halfway through the year.

I have no worries about you, though. I know you'll be able to handle everything.

I have a 3.88 GPA going into 11th. You gotta do better than me. :3