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Give the person above you a backstory.

Started by Super, April 28, 2010, 12:25:48 AM

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Super

Give the person above you a backstory.

Example:
"<User> was born on July 23rd thirty years ago on a farm in Virginia. He grew up slowly and didn't know how to form complete sentences. He eventually joined the Navy and became a master of submarines. His wife, Terra Earthstone, was killed in a raid some years after <User> lost his arm in a biannual Navy sex orgy. "

The Riddler

Super was born in August of the year Eighteen Hundred and Sixty Nine as Marcus Daosmoker. His mother was an English woman of a ...questionable career... and his father was a man from Eastern Asia with one eye and a wooden leg. He was raised on board of his father's ship, the Big Vagina, where he once fell overboard during rough weather. (In reality, his father shoved him in an attempt to lure in the Great White Shark.) One day he saw a beautiful mermaid, and she saw him. She swam to the ship, and he reached out to her, but as their hands touched a harpoon pierced through her torso, and she fell to the water limp. Not much is known about his past from there, as he has shut himself away from the world. It's rumored that he's harboring much hatred for the world and is a time bomb ready to explode.

Dog Food

Rob was born on a sunny December night in 2003 on the border between Mexico and California. His father was a Mexican, while his mother was a Jew. This made Rob an Alien (because his legality was questionable) Mexican Jew. He lived in Arizona for a time, and the kids at school made fun of him, calling him "AM Jew". They would run around the schoolyard shouting, "I AM JEW, I AM JEW, EW, NO YOU ARE JEW! HAHA, ROB AM JEW. NO ROB AIN'T ME, ROB AM JEW!". If you don't think it makes sense now, think of how Rob felt. I mean, the poor AM Jew couldn't even speak English. When the new bill was passed in Arizona (you know, that one that violates the fourth amendment), Rob's family realized they were in trouble. Other families, deciding to be cruel, drew up posters of aliens and stuck them all around Rob's yard. Then they posted signs that said "Illegals reside here". When the police came to check them out, Rob's family hid behind the giant sign while the police inspected the aliens. "They don't have IDs on them," one police remarked. He nodded to the other one, who nodded to a third, who looked at a piece of paper in his hand and then nodded back to the first one, who then shot the alien in the head. They then proceeded to take all of the cardboard aliens and ship them away.

Rob and his family quickly fled Arizona, hopped the border, and landed in California after that horrible incident. Rob was six years old and still had nightmares of pieces of cardboard getting shot in the head. It was terrible. Finally, sometime in April of 2010, Rob was found hanging in his closet, wearing a sombrero and holding a sign that said "Illegals reside here", with a picture of an alien with its head partially blown off. It was a closed casket funeral, which only his mother and father attended. Sometimes on sunny December nights (and only on sunny December nights), you can still hear the little children laughing and calling out "AM JEW, WHERE ARE YOU" into the sunny night sky. RIP ROB AM JEW.
I get obsessively manic over things. It's a problem.

Magnum

KJ was born in the middle of World War II. Like, right during D-Day. A German woman tried to force an abortion but pretending to be an American and running towards the Germans. When she was shot in the stomach, and evil voice erupted that many that day call, 'the voice of the devil'. Little KJ was found feeding on her mothers intestines after the successful attack. She was raised by a man named Rudolf Ash as a single parent. Unfortunately, he was crazy, and committed suicide when KJ was only 12. She grew up to be a proud psychologist, with her philosophy, "It could be worse. You could be the spawn of Satan and have all your parents kill themselves." She is a best selling novelist and is said to have helped bring the new Apocalypse known simply as, "Rap Music".

Oh Vesperia, never change... never change

THEBIRD

Quote from: Magnum on April 28, 2010, 03:13:26 PM
KJ was born in the middle of World War II. Like, right during D-Day. A German woman tried to force an abortion but pretending to be an American and running towards the Germans. When she was shot in the stomach, and evil voice erupted that many that day call, 'the voice of the devil'. Little KJ was found feeding on her mothers intestines after the successful attack. She was raised by a man named Rudolf Ash as a single parent. Unfortunately, he was crazy, and committed suicide when KJ was only 12. She grew up to be a proud psychologist, with her philosophy, "It could be worse. You could be the spawn of Satan and have all your parents kill themselves." She is a best selling novelist and is said to have helped bring the new Apocalypse known simply as, "Rap Music".
that sounds about right.

Magnum was born an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But then the dream was over... and the insect was awakened. He buzzed around for about three days, then was murdered by an old lady who swallowed the fly. Perhaps she'll die? No, she lived. Magnum the Fly died, though.

The Riddler

THEBIRD was an avian creature that vied over the rare Magnumbug. When old lady Higgins swatted the Magnumbug, THEBIRD spiraled into depression and flew into a car. He died on impact.

Allegretto

Jeff Probst was born in a dreadful fiery place, by the age of 12 he climbed out of one of the many volcanoes surrounding the area. With his fire resistant body he proceeded to work for the Fire department of new york winning employee of the month several times over. Eventually one of the other recruits got jealous and assassinated him. He was never caught.

THEBIRD

Lelouch was born on the side of a highway. His mother was drunk when she was giving birth and so she was arrested for drunk driving afterwards. He was then raised by one of the nurses from the hospital and lived with her for twenty-three years. His balls began turning blue and his fake-mom had to embarrassingly explain to him that he needed sex in order to survive because the testosterone in his system was reaching escalating heights. She then bought him his first porn movie and left him alone for the night. He died five hours later. Was it from shock? Over-excitement? No and no. He pulled to hard, thus ripping off his own dick and bleeding to death.